I hate all girls vehemently.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
