If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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