she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize