I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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