If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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