she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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