I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
