ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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