He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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