youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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