i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
