Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
