put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
