whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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