I need to stop coming to work sober
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
