My first STD was from a foam party
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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