i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The air taste purple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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