It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
