There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
