Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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