worst night to have a conscience
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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