i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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