what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
