hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we made out on top of his cat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
