PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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