OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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