i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
