There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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