Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
