lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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