I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
