In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
