Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
