she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
