I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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