i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize