did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
