Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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