Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
