Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
