I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
