I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
