just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
