After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
