Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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