i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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