chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
