You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
