chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
