Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
