I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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