I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this just has baby written all over it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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