Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
