I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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