Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
