yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
