I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
