i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
