she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
