She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
