I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
