We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
