When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
