3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
