I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
