I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
