So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
