you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
