remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
