wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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