I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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