We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
