We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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