the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
