I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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