Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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