Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
