drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
