I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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