you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize